What IS this power? This is not Chaos! This is no good. My plans to gain ultimate power and enslave this chaos dimension have been foiled by a star! How can I harness that power?

....Never mind, how can I get out of the way!? Somebody HELP ME! I am still in the mall in the ummm.....girl store. The one with the silky soft panties. For a friend, of course! Everything has crumbled and what's left of the walls are burning. I think the only thing saving me is the pile of panties that fell on me. They're cool to the touch. HELP!

I'm still waiting on my ULTIMATE POWER, but that's okay. I have no doubt that Chaos will provide me with the power I seek in due time. For now, I've taken up a new, fun hobby I learned about on the internet: trust falls. A trust fall is where you fold your arms across your chest and fall, allowing a friend nearby to catch you and prove that they are trustworthy. So far, 20% of people have caught me, 70% have likely tried to catch me but for some reason they weren't fast enough or something, and 10% I really don't remember because I hit my head really hard on the curb. Dented my helmet even.


The other day I went to Mallboro to try some trust falls, but while I was in there, I got a nasty vibe. Like I shouldn't be in there. I think they all knew me. They knew I worked for Wal*Market, so they all just watched me, especially this kid in the bookstore. I could be wrong, but I think he followed me for awhile, all the way to the food court. But maybe I'm just crazy. I decided not to do any trust falls there. I could tell nobody was into it.


I finally returned to Wal*Market where I know I can trust everybody. Speaking of trust, Chaos, if you have my ULTIMATE POWER ready, you can send it to me by mail. I don't think anybody on the internet would steal my information or anything, so I'll just leave you my address here and you can get it to me whenever.


669 Jenova Way
Calamity, Chaos World 97531



EDIT: Oh YES! Just as I posted this, it turned out I was the one-millionth visitor to Livejournal and I've won $10,000! I filled out the form to get my money! This is so great! I think I'll go on a shopping spree and pay it off when I get my money delivered!

It seems there is a tournament in Mallboro. I work at Wal*Market, but Don Corneo has suggested all Wal*Market employees enter to try to beat Mallboro at their own game. This intrigues me. Perhaps I could win the tournament and be given a management position at Wal*Market. Mmm, yes, this could be good. But should I do so? If I lose, I will look foolish.

I have been conned! I accepted a job at Wal*Market. I was told that it was excellent pay (it isn't) and that we had many beautiful women as customers (they're fat). What a terrible job! Don Corneo must pay!

...I don't mean that as a threat. I've worked there for two weeks now and I have yet to receive payment. I have payments to make! I have an apartment in Calamity that doesn't pay itself!

My second job, working for Chaos, only tends to pay in power. And I've yet to receive payment for that, too! I bought all this armor to wear when I'm powerful and badass, but I'm not strong enough to wear it all! It's friggin heavy! Chaos! I need at least some infinite power already! I'm exhausted all the time! I may look badass still, but crap I'm slow! I work at a normal Wal*Market pace wearing this stuff, and I'm much more motivated than my co-workers! God, we're all so lazy! A guy was looking at TVs and a co-worker actually suggested he check out Stiltz because he didn't want to actually show the guy the cool TV features. TVs are amazing! If I worked that department, I'd have a thing or two to say about them! Such as they show the past through colorful moving images and sounds that make you feel like you were there! Those things are so amazing!

One day, I'll kill him and take his place as Electronics Manager. You'll see. But for now, I have to go get carts. Humans seem incapable of putting them in the clearly marked cart return stalls. It's right there you lazy humans! Like five friggin steps!

Hello? This is...strange. Years ago, I was stuck in an infinite time loop with Chaos. When that loop was destroyed, I was lost. Trapped in this...Void. But now, something has happened, and I am in this strange new world.

But now, I am free! Free in this world of...a mall? The hell?

Whatever. I will rule this world! Mwa ha ha ha ha!